Review - Zombie Honeymoon

Well, what can I say about this film that wasn't already said about A Tale of Two Cities...well a lot actually because A Tale of Two Cities is a classic and this movie is an overly dramatic pile of poo. Please understand that I never prejudge a movie on production value or sound or well, anything, I judge on content and this movie is bleeehhhhhhck. Spoilers may follow.

It starts with a happy young punk/hipster couple getting married and going on a romantic month long get away to the lovely....jersey shore...that’s right the jersey shore. Now I was intrigued because Snooki scares the bejesus out of me and I wanted that kind of visceral scare. Unfortunately I was sorely disappointed as no guidos were present in this zombie classic. So over tanned fake Italians aside, Denise and Danny (our newly weds) embark on their new lives. They start this like many young newlyweds do by doing it in the back yard then going surfing. Wellllll as Danny boy is taking a nap a seaweed covered zombie emerges from the water and attacks him....thought it was for a second but still no snookie....as the zombie attacks it vomits blood all over young Danny and causes Danny to go into cardiac arrest. If only this movie would have ended there. Later at the hospital our hero(?) comes miraculously back to life to the delight of his wife and my dismay.

When they get back home and Danny is different, and by different I mean eating people. This is really where the movie swerves into stupid country. Sweet, sweet baby Denise thinks this is icky and odd but still loves her man. This continues as he eats more and more people, and may I add people closer to both of them....but she looooves him so its okay.

You may think by this point this is a comedy but no, no its not. This crap fest is filled with way to many overly dramatic pauses and moments that do not add anything to it. You start to feel like he should eat her dumb ass to put her out of our collective misery. It ends the way you think it will but hope it wont.

I’m not saying to avoid this film, in fact celebrate it with a loved one and point out to them you would put them down like a rabid dog if they ever started eating people.

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Review: Rise of Nightmares (Xbox 360)

Ever since the Xbox 360 Kinect hardware was announced my imagination ran wild thinking of all the different horror themes and how the Kinect versions of them would play out. I mean can you imagine a Saw game where you are in the trap and have to release yourself with real world movement?!?! Fast forward to the end of summer and you will see Kinect owners drowning in a sea of party games and sports/action titles. Along comes Rise of Nightmares promising new game play that did not involve a sport and was horror themed. Imagine my excitement after seeing a few videos of these playing. Did R.O.N go the distance and breath some life into a rather stale game assortment for Kinect owners? Does it take the survival horror genre in a whole new direction with an all new layer of game play? Kinda of and kind of not. Read on for "the skinny" when it comes to Sega's latest foray into horror.

Right off the bat this game screams House of the Dead in not only game play, but voice acting, art, and almost everything else. This is not a bad thing because I loved the series, but did hope R.O.N would not be an exact rip off, and it was not. The story is so so and pretty basic. You play as Josh who is on a trip with his girlfriend Kate, who busts his alcoholic ass before the train can crash. And you start the search for a missing Kate. You will interact with others from time to time, all of which felt really stereotypical and once again reminded me of characters from Sega's House of the Dead.The levels are broken out into 10 acts much like another shoot em up Sega title (Ahem.. House of the Dead). The level design was a lot better than I expected and the enemies were varied enough to keep your eyeballs into it. A decent amount of time went into the design of the enemies and some like the zombies look awesome, while other filler types like cyborgs looked cheap. The sound was nothing super awesome but did the trick and voice acting was as expected being on par with House of the Dead.

Oh the flipping controls. Thank god I did not have an actual controller in my hand or it would have went from one to one thousand pieces before act 3. I had plenty of issues while in "flailing combat" where Josh would just start going backward or forward. In battle this was easily the most frustrating thing I found in the game. I did get a little better later on by making my movements more of a lunge, versus the step a normal human would take. The addition of an auto-walk button was a god sent at times but felt like they knew something was broken and just offered a band-aid versus a repair. Recalibrating the sensor did nothing to remedy the movement. Luckily the robust weapon choices and gore filled combat made the trip through each act doable.The Kinect has very little in the way of games that rock outside of the genres already mentioned. If you like the House of the Dead series, as I do, you would be a miss to not at least rent this title. It would also give your Kinect a break from make believe pets and boring ass party games. I really hope to see more developers embrace the Kinect and take a chance at making something different. If it is fun and engaging I have no issue standing all day and flailing like a sweaty fool.

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